I accidentally had phone sex last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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