blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
