Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
