I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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