watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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