Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
