found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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