you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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