well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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