i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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