Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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