i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
