If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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