I heard we made out
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
