Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
