I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
