you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He shit in the fireplace
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