bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
