is your mom at the bar?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
