sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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