genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
