I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
