i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
