who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She's the barista slut.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
