Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
