worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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