Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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