I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
