I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
