just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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