dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
