I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
