I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
