you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
