If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
