She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
