you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
