pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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