went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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