god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
