Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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