So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
