Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
