my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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