You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
