Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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