you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
