you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
