So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
