so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
